Welcome back to Weekly Lowlights. After a brief Spring Break respite, I have decided to present a kinder, gentler version of malfeasant meanderings through happy meadows of ignorance and innocence.
On April 24, Turlock police responded to a 911 call at 1:26 p.m. from the intersection of Grant Avenue and Chestnut Street. The caller complained that Robert Lair, 42, allegedly appeared to be high on drugs and had placed his face against the window of her car as she was stopped in traffic. Perhaps he was looking for some leftover chocolate Easter eggs?
When police found Lair, they noted that he appeared to be under the influence and he provided a false name. It is believed he provided the name “Egbert the Easter Bunny.” Police say he then tried to leave the scene by hopping away like he was carrying an Easter egg basket. Turns out he had a felony warrant out of Merced for $100,000.
At 2:43 a.m. on April 26, Stephen Montgomery, 22, headed over to his ex-girlfriend’s house for a gathering in the 2400 block of Cambridge Court. According to police, Montgomery wasn’t being a good boy and he wasn’t getting along with the other boys and girls. He was asked to leave, but then he threw a tantrum. He reportedly used a wooden stick to hit the ex-girlfriend in the leg and another female over the head. He then left in a vehicle, but was quickly found on Highway 99. He was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. It is rumored that Montgomery had the same problem in kindergarten. He would hit a girl and then take off on his tricycle. More than 18 years later, little has changed.
At 6:17 p.m. on April 28, Quiana Stallworth, 33, was anything but stalwart in her honesty when she allegedly attempted to cash a check at Bank of the West on Fulkerth Road. A fraud alert was on the account and police responded to arrest her for commercial burglary and allegedly attempting to cash an altered check.
Earlier that same day Doroteo “Dorito” Gonzalez, 18, was arrested at Walmart for robbery and possession of paraphernalia after he boldly threatened to shoot a security guard who was attempting to detain him for shoplifting. Of course, no weapons were located on Gonzalez. It is rumored that he was stealing a family-sized bag of cool ranch Doritos. Those kind are the best. They keep coming out with new flavors, but cool ranch is still the best in my book.
On May 1 at just after midnight, the M&M twins were up to no good. Nathaniel Marsaw, 42, and Rosalva Morfin, 43 were contacted by police because they were in a suspicious vehicle at F Street and Minaret Avenue. Marsaw, who happened to be on probation, was found to be in illegal possession of a prescription medication. I wonder if it was morphine? His girlfriend, Morfin, happened to have an active felony warrant. Both Morfin and Marsaw were arrested and booked.
Later on May 1, at just before 11 p.m., Manuel Machado evidently just couldn’t get enough Ranch Burger at 690 C Street. Police say he had a stay away court order prohibiting him from approaching the business. He was arrested and booked for violating the stay away order. I personally have never been to Ranch Burger; I hear its pretty good though. One of these days I’ll make it by there.
