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Tuesday, 01 April 2014 02:18

City of Turlock Breaks Ground on Bowling Alley

Written by  Alex Cantatore
| | Alex Cantatore/TurlockCityNews.com|
At last, the City of Turlock has broken ground on a long-desired bowling alley for the citizens of Turlock.

“People have been asking for this for a while,” said newly-appointed Bowling Alley Czar John Swift. “Really, it was time for the City of Turlock to start listening to the people.”

Initial sketches depict a modest 30-lane bowling alley, located near Monte Vista Crossings. Large, oversized bowling pins will adorn the front entrance of the development, to be known as “Uppdiktad Lanes” in honor of Turlock’s Swedish heritage.

For decades, Turlockers have called on the City of Turlock to build them a bowling alley. Opposition to the City of Turlock’s long-held strategy of building only Mexican restaurants, fast-food, and dollar stores has been growing.

Out of excuses at last, the City of Turlock decided to act.

“Lately, we decided that Turlock should do something for the children, you know, other than all of the youth sports, arts classes, and rec programs we offer,” Swift said. “Shame that it took this long, really.”

City officials say the development will also include a Trader Joe’s and a Whole Foods Market.

“We figured, ‘Why not, right?’” Swift said.

Comments (52)

Looks like this is a fun little April Fools joke.... a Whole Foods in Turlock? Yeah, right.

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  1. Kenny R. Brown

Nice one, had me going for a bit!

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  1. terry Bowman

what we also nedd is a new modern Movie theater like an AMC or REGAL.

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  1. Haha

April fools!!

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  1. Yay!!!!

Yay!!! It's about time!!!

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  1. Tax payer

This is much more worth it than the Carnegie arts center or the ths football turf the city wasted money on!

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  1. Kass

This is a mean April fools joke!!!

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  1. Yes!!

This is why TCN is the (*edited by tcn)!

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  Comment was last edited about 5 years ago by David Fransen - dj@turlockcitynews.com David Fransen - dj@turlockcitynews.com
  1. Guest S

I will believe it when I see it!

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  1. Stan

Just realized today is April Fools day. You fooled me.
I was excited for a minute.

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0 #52 Dj's immaturity 2015-10-06 17:17
Dj's immaturity with blogs like this doomed this website.

We see now that it caught up with him and how the Turlock Journal is the more respected newspaper in town.

Thankfully this is over.
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0 #51 Addy 2015-04-01 18:08
Long Awaited??? There use to be one in town and they closed it down. Why close it if everyone wants one lol. Also the name.. UH i didn't know there was swedish heritage here. I have seen ZERO sign of swedish people here. The name is hard to pronounce so thats not good. On a plus side. I DO miss the old bowling alley so i will enjoy taking my kids to this one.
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0 #50 Lisa McDermott 2015-04-01 14:02
And who thought of using Jonathan Swift as the fictitious spokesperson? Very funny Alex!
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0 #49 barb 2014-04-01 20:22
This site sucks!
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0 #48 TERA WOLF 2014-04-01 20:00
Not impressed! I had my hopes up and thought that it must be real that we're finally getting some decent stores that families need such as Whole Foods, Trader Joes and as a bonus - a bowling alley. We desperately need some whole foods type stores. Turlock needs to get it together! :(
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0 #47 Julie 2014-04-01 20:00
Too bad it's not really happening... very good joke.
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0 #46 Someone 2014-04-01 18:13
April fools the name means fictitious lanes
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0 #45 Gordon Johnson 2014-04-01 18:07
Great April Fool's joke!
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0 #44 It's sad that so many commentors are unable or unwilling to realize an April Fools' joke when they see one, and instead use it as a means to attack others or things they dislike. Grow up, people. 2014-04-01 18:07
It's sad that so many commentors are unable or unwilling to realize an April Fools' joke when they see one, and instead use it as a means to attack others or things they dislike. Grow up, people.
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0 #43 Turlock Mom 2014-04-01 17:30
Haha. April fools!
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